Tag Archives: sex

The Dirty Smurfette Poem

Alright…I’m back, after far, far too long.  These things happen, and both you readers will have to forgive me.   I wrote and performed this one about three months ago, in a fevered state (quite literally, I think close to 102 degree fever), and I think it really reflects that.  But seriously, fever or no fever, who hasn’t wanted to bang Smurfette.

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Audio Transcript of that time I had sex with Smurfette.

(0:00-2:22 – Fumbling noises)

Oh, oh yeah.

Oh Willie, that’s good.

You make me feel so…so smurfy.

Take off my dress—oh yeah.  Am I the bluest woman you’ve ever been with?

Now smurf me.

You know how this goes.

Smurf me.  Hard.

Just like that.

You’ve been a naughty little boy—naughtier than Gargamel.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, smurf me there.  Smurf me there!

(3:08 – sound of electrical buzzing)

Now smurf me with this!

Ah, yeah, ah yeah, smurf me harder!

Smurf me! Smurf me! Smurf me, Handy!

(3:47 – sounds of footsteps leaving.)

No!  I didn’t mean Handy—I mean Willie.  Come back.

(3: 58 – sounds of footsteps returning)

Smurf me, Smurf me, Smurf me, Smurf me

Jesus Smurfing Christ!

Smurf me in the ass, you mothefucker!

I’m smurfing! I’m smurfing!

Now Take it out and smurf in my mouth!

That’s good.  That’s s0 good. You are so much better than Papa.



Filed under Poemetry