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An In-depth Analysis of Obama’s First Year in Office

In honor of the recent State of the Union address, I’d like to add my two cents, a completely in-depth analysis of Obama’s first year in office.

An in-depth analysis of Obama’s first year in office.

Obama is fucking awesome.  Seriously, he is sweet.

Obama is everything good about the world.

I love Obama, and you should too.

Obama knows every little bit helps.

Obama works while you sleep

Obama does it your way.

Obama has lasers for eyes, and can see through men,

To find the truth.

Obama loves like no one can, and in his sweet embrace

All things are possible, and you know, baby, you’re the only one, right?

Cause Obama is the Alpha and the Omega, motherfuckaaaaa!

Obama won a Nobel Peace prize just because he’s fucking Obama,

And shot the fucking moon on the same day.

Not cause he’s black, but cause he’s awesome.

Remember climate change?  Yeah.  Obama fixed that.

If Obama and Abraham Lincoln got in a fight, Obama would win,

Cause Lincoln’s just some bearded cracker, and Obama’s shit is tight, ya’ll.

If Obama punched you in the face, your head would explode, but not on him.

Obama doesn’t get wet on water slides, and his sphagetti sauce never boils over the side of the pan leaving nasty little orange splatters all over the hob.  And if he did, he wouldn’t even need to clean it. He has people for that.

Every Christmas, every year, Obama dresses up in a red suit and delivers presents to all the Children in the world in a sleigh guided by magical, flying reindeer.  And if that bitch Rudolph gives him any shit, Obama will kick his ass, cause you do not fuck with Santa Obama.

First thing Obama did in office?  Stopped crime.  Fact.

If Obama was a color, it would be the blood of his enemies.  If he was a smell it would remind you of your grandmother’s house, after she died and left you a ton of money, if he was a sound, it would be O-BAMA.  That’s a little egotistical, I know, but wouldn’t you be, if you were…Obama?

To help avoid pollution, at the bottom of all Obama’s emails, it says ‘We’re conscious of the environment, please do not print this email unless you absolutely, ABSOLUTELY have to.  Or I will come to your house, fuck your mother, and make you watch.”

Only one person has ever printed Obama’s emails.

Obama is not George Bush.

Obama is way fucking cool

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