I love you very, very much, and I also love video games.
Probably you, more than video games.
But it’s pretty close.
Must the two be mutually exclusive?
For you, like video games, are a most glorious past-time.
You, like video games, challenge, amuse, and occasionally frustrate me.
And you, like video games, require a steady input of money to continue operating.
When I first met you, your eyes, two shiny quarters,
were full of love and promise. Like video games.
As we spent time together, our love grew to new levels,
Just like video games.
And now that we’re married, I find each day full of new, often dangerous tasks,
which I must fufill just to keep it going. Shit, girl, love is a lot like video games.
I love you more than Dig Dug loves dirt.
Let me be your Defender, you my Final Fantasy
Cause every day with you is Burger Time, girl,
For your love, I would fight monkeys.
Big ones. Big, angry monkeys,
Throwing barrells. Barrells of our love.
Which I smash with my hammer of…hammering.
I love you more than Q-bert loves jumping diagonally.
I would Joust for you over fiery lava pits,
Perfect my Falcon punch.
I would hop turtles and search sewer pipes,
catching coins to spread before your gentle feet.
Our romance has no Half-Life, you make me go Wii,
And in the Bedroom I’m your Mega Man, baby,
The laser of my love powering up steadily.
And I’ll rise to your Call of Duty, whatever the cost,
Avoiding any Pitfall, Quake, or Punch Out.
Baby, don’t fear the Ghosts and Ghouls
Cause I will go after that shit with my lance
Level after level after level after level
of the same goddamn thing.
Cause I’m just that committed to you,
And the high score.
It’s late, my love, but no Time Crisis,
I’ll be in bed soon, my dear,
Cause girl, you know I’ll love you for eveah and evah,
But…I just got to finish this one, last, level.