Category Archives: Uncategorized

F*ck You, I’m from Kansas, now in 3-D

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Trollin’ Dirty: Guest Poemit Derrick Paulson

Derrick sent this in to me, and I think it’s pretty sweet.  It’s about Dungeons and Dragons, goblins, and a distinct lack of coffee.  Enjoy!

Dungeons & Dragons by 5 a.m.

by Derrick Paulson

“There are at least five goblins standing still,”
Our DM tells us from behind his screen,
“Yet more keep coming down from up the hill.”

We hack and slash in turn and drink our fill
Of blood; but, when the dust clears on the scene
There are at least five goblins standing still!

The wizard walks unarmed to show his skill,
With gestures grand and continence serene,
Yet more keep coming down from up the hill.

His magic missiles seem supreme until
The cleric summons all his gods to scream:
“There are at least five goblins standing still!”

We cast our die again and curse our ill
Luck that has left us few and far between,
Yet more keep coming down from up the hill.

With might and fury now we fight and kill,
But our DM, when cranky, needs caffeine:
“There are at least five goblins standing still,
Yet more keep coming down from up the hill.”

 

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He’s Coming to Stop the Gays, The Pope!

A rousing sea chanty to welcome the Pope ironically, that you can sing along with your friends!

Directions:

1)Divide the room in half.  Have one side yell the ‘”He’s coming to stop the gays!” part, and the other side yell “the Pope” on cue.

2)Find one person who’s really loud, to yell the ‘Gays’ section after the second chorus.

3)Get people banging on tables and stomping on the floor.

4)Remind everyone that this is meant ironically, and not an audition for the BNP!

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope

He’s a little old man in a big white hat,

And I think he doesn’t really know where he’s at

He hates the gays and that is that

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope


He’s a crazy old man in a big white dress,

And I hear that he used to be in the SS,

He just can’t get into that bad gay ass sex

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope

Who?  (Gays!)

Who?  (Gays!)

WHHHHOOOO????   (GGGAAAAYYYYSSSS!)

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope

He’s coming to stop the gays, Gays!

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope

He’s coming to stop the gays, Gays!

He’s come all the way from the Vatican

To remind us that those queers are living in sin

And equalities great, but it isn’t for him

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope

He’s coming to stop the gays, Gays!

He’s coming to stop the gays, the Pope

He’s coming to stop the gays, Gays!

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Acrostic Poem to Lord Vader, from the 3rd Grade Class of the Death Star

Large, Black, Shiny Deadly Machine Man

Often Pissed Off in the End,

Respirates very loudly

Drives a TIE Fighter Advanced Proudly

Very Evil Overlord Who

Annihalates the Rebellion

Doesn’t  take no shit lip from no man

Especially Captain Needa, who he chokes to death

Really awesomeness uses the Force for badness.

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Sonnet for Karl Rove, who is fat and evil

Karl Rove :  A hate sonnet

Sweet master of deceit and tawdy lies

Oozing realpolitic from every pore

Draconian in elephantine size,

They shoved your fat ass out the White House door

Undaunted in your plight to be correct

Declaring US tortue to be fair,

I wish they’d grab you by your corp’lant neck,

See how it feels when you are in that chair

But loud men have a way of cheating fate

Decrying evil acts as common good

Live happily in bubbles of their hate

Escape the retribution that they should

If e’er I should see you on Capital malls

I’ll happily come punch you in a balls

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