Wedding Vows of a Zombie Slayer


This was part of a series of six poems I wrote for my friend Jaq’s wedding.  It’s about love and zombies.

Wedding Vows of a Zombie Slayer

I promise to love you truly, until the zombies come

At that point I cannot promise anything

But I will try to get you to the shopping mall alive.

And there will always be gas in your chain-saw

Our love forever chambered in the shotgun of my heart

And together, we will aim for the head.

My life will be your life, my house your house

And it will always be stockpiled with canned goods.

Canned goods of my love.

And I will never run from you

Unless you get bitten, in which case,

well, baby, all bets are off.

For what separates us from the sentient undead is our ability to love unconditionally

And also to fly a helicopter.

So with this ring, this plastique, this baseball bat, and that samurai sword I thee wed.

Let’s do this thing.


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