Superpowers I’d like to have, if all the good superpowers, like invisibility, were taken.


A telepathic connection to squirrels.

The ability to manipulate remote controls with my mind.

Disturbing preternatural knowledge of the rules of cricket.

Total resistance to guilt.

I can call on the aid of Ronaldo, my crime-fighting ferret.

Pan-dimensional Felching.

The awesome power to influence the minds of French People.

Thumbs that could be turned all the way around, and when released, spin repeatedly back into place, to comic effect.

Huge Super Balls.

An air of unbreatheable smugness

Secret button which, when pressed, unleashes a horde of Vikings, who sing a hilarious show tune, then KILL.

The power to reveal inconvenient truths to the wrong people at inappropriate times.

A barrage of unstoppable spider monkeys, with mischief on their minds.

Turning into a pony.

A suit of invincible body armour that also blasts the song ‘Tiny Dancer’ at my enemies on an endless loop, while we fight.

The ability to control humidity.

Bulletproof leg warmers.

I could smell into the future.

Total control of I-70, and all it’s Stuckys.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poemetry

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s